


You're Not with Me

by InsomniacPenguins



Series: Mind Field [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Crying, Gavin Reed's POV, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, asdfajdfhadsjf, but that's very off screen, gavin is drunk and sad and i feel so bad, i also started crying while writing this ajdfadsf, you know that hurt/comfort tag? this is all hurt/hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:25:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniacPenguins/pseuds/InsomniacPenguins
Summary: He shook the glass in his hand, swirled the beer inside that was too little to threaten spitting up from it’s tip. It was his fourth. These days all he felt like he could do was drink. Drink to forget? Drinking to remember? He didn’t know, he couldn’t tell, and he wasn’t going to bother figuring out his feelings at this damned second.





	You're Not with Me

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_QKuNjjU2k 
> 
> sisters coming back at you with music and angst. i suggest u read buttons if you havent already bc that is before this
> 
> also i wrote this in 2 hours so if i fucked something up drop that in the comments

He shook the glass in his hand, swirled the beer inside that was too little to threaten spitting up from it’s tip. It was his fourth. These days all he felt like he could do was drink. Drink to forget? Drinking to remember? He didn’t know, he couldn’t tell, and he wasn’t going to bother figuring out his feelings at this damned second.

No, he couldn’t bear to think about it too much. He couldn’t handle the weight that came with watching him pass in his arms. Gavin took another swig from the bottle, he wanted to down it all in one go and start on his next. 

 

It had been two weeks since he saw Connor. Since he put the dirt on the closed casket. Since he watched it lower into the ground. The number of faces at his funeral were little, it broke Gavin’s heart to think about. The number of people that were influenced by Connor were significant, yet he didn’t know many of them. Most of them were other’s from the department, a lot were people he’s never even seen Connor speak to other than professionally. But when he spotted Hank from the crowd, it was nothing like he’d seen. The man looked absolutely wrecked. His tears were still spilling, but he didn’t make a sound. Yet when he spoke at the ceremony, you could hear every little crack that only begged to be widened. To scream. He probably did already. He probably cried for hours before this. Gavin couldn’t blame him, the two were damn inseparable.

That night Gavin got a call from Tina that Hank’s body was found in his home. They ruled it as suicide.

Gavin was already picking up the next bottle, before he braced an elbow against the table. He couldn’t help it now, he choked back a sob that threatened to escape. A croak took it’s place, though he still felt the tears that came rolling down his cheeks like large strokes of paint. 

He buried his head into his hand as his face curled into pain that hurt far worse than he had felt physically.

It hurts when you hold someone in your arms who’s dying. It hurts even worse when that person seemed so calm. It hurts the most when that person is someone you loved.

It felt so weird admitting it. He loves Connor, even if there’s not a Connor to love anymore. 

In the moment, Gavin remembers so vividly how he heard the gunshot ring through his ears from the next room over. Gavin remembers walking into the room to see blue blood painting the ground behind Connor, who was knelt down on his knees. Hand over a hole on his front. A hole that could be seen through the back as well. Where his stomach should’ve been. He remembered seeing the man standing in front of the kneeling android, mouth wide with terror at what he’d done, gun dropped on the floor.

He was ashamed to admit that he didn’t hesitate putting a bullet through the suspect’s head the second he realized what was happening. 

The next minute felt like the longest minute he’d ever experienced. 

Connor collapsed onto the floor, and Gavin immediately dropped to the ground beside him, bringing his upper half in his lap as he took in the sight. He looked at the bullet hole, it went straight through Connor’s heart pump or whatever the fuck it was called. He remembers how he spoke to Gavin. He remembers how quiet his voice was when he told him it was too damaged. That he was nearing shutdown. That he was dying. He remembers the way Connor said dying, voice raised an octave, more damned. 

He ran his hands through the androids hair. Hair that felt all too real. “You’re--” was all he managed to say through a tight throat, he didn’t intentionally cut himself off. He hadn’t figured out how to speak what he wanted into existence. 

“Gavin.”

It was Connor’s voice, almost too clear for this situation. “What?”

“Can you call me Plastic?” He said coolly, like this wasn’t actually happening. “One last time?” His voice toward the end was a lot more weak, crisp, human-like.

“Anything for you,” he started while looking down into his eyes. “Plastic.”

The piece of shit even made the move to smile after that. His eye closed for a moment slowly. Too slowly for comfort until they opened again, and Connor breathed in slowly. “I never got to tell you that, ever since that day, I find myself thinking about you.”

Gavin wailed as his hand tightened around the bottle in his grip, he slammed it onto the table as he moved his hand to comb through his hair, gripping at the base. Threatening to rip them out from his follicles. It felt so relieving to finally let it all out. To finally think about it, no matter how twisted it felt in his near-drunken state. After a minute, he collected himself once again and leaned back in his chair. Closing his eyes as he started the scene from his memory again.

“I never got to tell you that, ever since that day, I find myself thinking about you.” Connor told him, voice quiet, like he didn’t want anyone else to hear what he was about to say. “I went to your favorite bars. I filled your presence with others. Others that I wished were you.” Connor’s hand was stroking his cheek. How long had it been there, rubbing gently right under his eyes. “Please don’t cry.”

It took Gavin a second to even notice he was crying, and when he did he felt like his vision was clouded by the tears that welled up in his eyes. He tried blinking them away, wiping them away with the sleeve of his jacket. “Sh-Shut the fuck up,” was all he managed through a gentle laugh.

Connor laughed too, even in his dying moments, he looked so beautiful. Sounded so beautiful. “I want you to promise me something.” He told him, as his thumb stroked his cheekbone. Gavin nodded only, he didn’t trust his voice to falter, didn’t trust himself to be strong. “Make sure Hank doesn’t do anything irrational.”

“I won’t,” he barely managed. It was difficult to speak when it felt like he was choking.

“I’m going to miss your face.” Connor spoke to him, his body was slowly starting to still. He could feel it in the hand that was continuing to rub him. It was stiffening. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” At those words, he felt his walls break and his body crumble. He felt like jelly as he collapsed onto the android beneath him, holding him close. “Please, don’t go.”

“Gavin, do you think there’s a place for me after this?” Connor asked, voice hard, filled with cracks. Struggling to speak with his last seconds.

“Yes.”

He was met with silence. He wasn’t even sure if Connor heard him. He wished he had told him he loved him sooner. He wished he was able to rewind time and do all his mistakes over again, but in the right ways. He brought his body away from the android and looked down at the body. The face. He could see a tear flowing down his cheek. It was slow, but it was there.

Gavin huffed air through his nostrils as he ended his memories.

And it felt so difficult to know that he wasn’t with him anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> connor: gavin im dying
> 
> gavin: this is so sad, connor, play pocketful of sunshine
> 
> connor, crying, broadcasting pocketful of sunshine through his vocal unit, which is muffling his words: i fucking hate you
> 
> anyways yea i wanted to leave it at gavin being sad but i was like why have just gavin sad,,, when i could have gavin sad AND connor dead,,
> 
> compliments, criticism, and tips are appreciated!
> 
> also shoutout to spraymillet for dealing with my bullshit adhfsjdasf
> 
> also my other convin fic ch4 is probs gonna be up in the next 2 days or so, so wig
> 
> also, my mainblog on tumblr is @clav3s
> 
> and my writing/(currently dbh) fanblog is @claves-writes
> 
> wig or whateva


End file.
